How to make positive criticism without hurting people.

  PART 1: WHAT IS IT? 

There are some times when we want to stop our dear ones from doing something wrong, or maybe we just can’t resist to tell them that they are wrong about something. But we know we cannot just say it directly because by doing so they might get hurt and take it otherwise which would somewhere damage your bond or relation. So then what do we do?

Dale Carnegie in his book “How to make friends and influence people” said, “ Don’t criticize, condemn or complain about people.” And I personally believe this too, we must avoid making any negative criticism or complains because they possess the power to spread negativity, make people embarrassed and make situations awkward and worse. I must say when possible, we should avoid complaining.

But then, if they are your loved ones or they themselves ask you to tell their drawbacks, sometimes positive criticism can do wonders and can bring positive change in the person. But be cautious. Not everyone has the capability to digest their flaws. Sometimes  when a person himself ask you “hey tell me my flaws I want to improve”, they actually mean “hey tell me that I am hell perfect and I make you remember of an angel and doesn’t need any change or improvement” (haha..i know, these people do exists, right?). We are human beings, and we do not enjoy to hear bad about us, that’s scientific, and obvious.

In a nutshell, so how do we criticize people without hurting them?

Here I have 5 tricks or you can say 5 steps to follow to achieve your desired result. I hope it comes out to be useful enough.

PART 2: THE TRICKS.

1.  A WELCOMING DRAMATIC SCENE

Remember that you cannot just start accusing them, you have to comfort the person first. Have you ever noticed that our ears work the best when someone is appreciating us? Yes that’s the trick we are going to use. Appreciate them, tell them why you like them so much, why they are so important to you. You don’t have to sound cheesy at all, be genuine and honest with your appreciations. And now, they are all yours, they are listening to you patiently. Remember , you must sound calm and be polite, use welcoming gestures and let your body language speak for you.

2. PUT YOUR NEXT MOVE FORWARD

This is the time we need to come to the topic. They are listening attentively, there is an understanding you both have reached and now they are all ready to accept your accusation. Remain polite and calmly tell them where you THINK they are wrong. Try to make them understand how it is not good for them or their health. Human beings are selfish, they are only interested in knowing what they are going to benefit from and from what, not.

3. MAKE HINTS, DON’T ACCUSE THEM

Remember people hate it when you tell them they are wrong. Don’t tell them, help them to discover their mistakes themselves. Self realisations and self discovery are more reliable and also are enjoyed by people. You can do this by talking in general and not specifically for them. Instead of “You should not do this”, try to use “we should not do this”. Avoid using word “you”, because it makes the person feel accused and disrespected. At the end, let them think they found their mistake themselves.

4. ASK QUESTIONS AND LET THEM ANSWER

It’s not your monologue speech , remember you are in a warm conversation with someone. Ask questions like “Isn’t it?” , “Don’t you think so?” , “Right? , “What do you say?”  etc. Now let them answer and share what they think about it. As long as you keep the conversation interactive you are going to get positive results. Let them open up. Let them speak their heart out. A good listener has the world with him.

5. NEVER POINT AT THEM, MIND YOUR HAND GESTURES.

Do not point at them because this one thing can ruin all your efforts till now. We don’t like it when someone points at us and say that “It’s your fault” or “You are responsible for this” or maybe “You are such a daft”. Seeing someone pointing at us makes us aggressive and even if we know the other person is right, we would try all possible attempts to prove them wrong. Pin pointing at them can make the situations worse especially if you are dealing with a short tempered person.

But hey SURPRISE, it’s not over. To be more specific and to help you understand this better, my next blog post would include an example of a conversation which would help you know how exactly you can use these tricks in practical life.

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Please remain tuned for the next blog post with a conversation, as skimming over it once would do no good, we need to know how we can actually apply this as well.