How to be a good listener? (Part-3-Response!)

 Hey beautiful people! How you doin’?

So in the last blog, that is Part 2, this is what we learnt- 

The next time someone is talking to you, be attentive and be present with all of your senses. The worst thing you can do in a conversation is being ignorant. If you always disrespect people, then they build up a natural feeling of resistance for you. Don’t let them do it. You can surely avoid and ignore shitty people, you don’t have to pay attention and waste time thinking about people who don’t matter. Just never let your important group of people be disappointed by your silly ignorance and arrogance. If you are genuinely not interested to listen, chose the two subtle ways I suggested to get out of the situation without offending them.

Let’s continue with Part 3 today. 

Law 3: Responses!

From the title itself, I think it’s quite clear what I am going to talk about today. Yes, we are going to discuss Responses. 

Some people share a common problem and they say- “You know what, I think I am really attentive and I do genuinely listen to other people. But I don’t know what makes these people think that I am not listening to them and they think I am being arrogant!”

I know, sometimes we just really forget to show that we are actually listening to them maybe because we are listening to them just so attentively that we get lost in their words and our imagination and grow unaware of the present situation. But I guess we all would agree upon this, that this could be really harmful. The other person might wonder if you aren’t there when actually you are so much there. 

How to deal with this then?

Okay so I am not here to give some words of wisdom, I myself am a learner and am trying learning new things everyday. But I can surely share the little little things I have learned so far. 

When you are listening to someone, it’s important to see if they know that you are listening to them. This might sound like a very basic thing, but the reason why I decide to give this point a part in the series is because I feel the need of more recognition be given to this little but crucial thing. 

Here are some really really simple things you can do to tell people that you’re listening to them because guess what, you are!

1.**Check if you’re not losing an eye contact. (please don’t misread ‘eye contact’ as ‘stare’ and HaHa you can definitely blink, keep it natural)

2.**Try adding a few lines when they take pauses in between. (to convey that you do take some interest in what they’re talking about)

3.**Don’t stop with the natural nodding, but ofcourse as long as you agree.

4.**Try adding a worthy piece of information you recently got to know about, related to the topic they are talking of. (this will show your sincerity towards the conversation)

5.**It’s completely fine to have some honest disagreement, as long as it’s respectful, not rude. (Beware! Being honest with a person who can’t take it, is very destructive.) 

^Now let’s take up the million dollar question again- ^

“What if we are genuinely NOT interested in this topic but don’t want to hurt them by telling this on their face?”

 Bare with me ahead, if you think I went too honest. 

What matters here is that are you really interested in listening to this fellow or are you genuinely not giving a duck. If you chose option A, good for you! Keep listening and keep telling them that you are listening. But if you are genuinely not giving a damn, then use those subtle ways again. Stop doing all those things I mentioned above, slowly & slowly. Slowly, stop having the good eye contact. Slowly, stop adding lines to fill their pauses. Slowly, stop nodding, don’t add any piece of information you have. Otherwise, if you continue doing all those things, it will only show that you are still interested. And know that, nothing encourages and excites people to talk more, than a genuine interest shown. 

Keep an eye on how they behave after you used your subtle way. If they grow irritated and they seem to not understand your way of telling them to stop, I am sorry but you would have to listen to them until they stop. (Yes you are right! these people are pathetic, but you gotta tolerate them sometimes) But yes it is possible, that sometimes some people are sagacious enough to understand your hints.

So in essence, 

The next time someone is talking to you, let them know that you are listening and are present. It’s not enough to just listen, it’s equally important to respond too. Responses are the key to good conversations and a happy customer. Don’t sit stand or talk stiff like a robot, remember you are a human. Expressions hold a great importance. We also talked about how to behave when you are not interested in listening anymore- use the subtle ways. Stop doing all that you were doing earlier, Slowly & Slowly. 

Hint for 4th law: Let them finish!

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Bye Bye Sunshines. 

See you soon.

How to become a good listener? (PART-2-Pour your attention! And what to do if you can’t)

 Hey Dearies!! What’s up? 

In the last blog (Part 1), this is what we learnt ⁃ So the next time, someone comes to share their personal feelings with you, make sure you’re not annoying them with your own bright stories. Listen to them and try to understand where they stand; remember when you too have been there earlier.

Let’s move ahead and see what our next tip has got.

The next thing we’re going to talk about today is how to pour all the attention in the conversation and what to do if you just can’t pour attention because you’re simply not interested.

Law 2: Pour your attention!

I ask you: how many times have you witnessed a situation in which you were saying something and the other person just takes out their cell phone and starts chatting with another person; or they stand there still with no expressions and make you feel that you are boring; or they start looking at their watches trying to convey “I don’t have the whole day for your nonsense” or they just start looking at their own hands and starts wondering “oh I need to wax!”- meanwhile you stand there feeling confused and disgusting.

Well let’s admit that this has happened with us some or the other time, that’s because we some time or the other have been in a conversation with a horrible listener. What impression do you carry of that person who made you feel that way? Do you think they are good listeners? No you don’t. Do you feel like talking to them again? No you don’t. At that moment, do you see children playing cricket and you just wish if a child could let you borrow his bat so that you could hit this disgusting ignorant person on the head? Yes, you certainly do.

Well, Exactly. This is what the other person feels like when you are ignorant! This is exactly what you do to them and what you do to whatever xyz relationship you share.

I don’t know how many of you are like that, if you are ignorant in conversations or not. Well I will leave that completely on your personal judgement of yourself (but be honest)

When the other person notices your disrespectful actions or I should say, signals that you give them to stop- like looking at your watches or wondering about a whole different thing in your mind, they start feeling as if they shouldn’t have said anything. They are like “why did I even thought this person would listen to me, so silly of me” And in no time, they start feeling this negative emotion about you and they decide to repel you no matter what.

***WHAT TO DO?***

It’s very simple.

Be present. Be attentive. Listen to understand, not to reply. Don’t just think what to say next, enjoy the talk and reply only when you have listened. Don’t show disrespect in any ways. People love it when you show respect when they are talking, and hate it 2 times more when you make them feel ignored. Make them feel as if their voice is the only sound you can hear right now (even though if you’re more interested in the squirrel’s fight sounds) You can’t afford to ignore a single person who matters. Well Anushka, who matters and who doesn’t? The people who mean something in your life, the close people, the colleagues or batchmates whom you gonna see everyday, even your mom’s friends and society. Basically every being who can affect your life directly or indirectly, are the people who matter and are the people who shouldn’t be ignored. You can certainly avoid and ignore people (and do it in the most savage way) who just don’t matter and whom you don’t give a damn about.

^Now let’s take the million dollar question!^

“What if we are genuinely not interested to listen to the other person and we can’t help being ignorant?”

-Well here’s a thing for you. Have you read my blog ‘Respond not React’? If you haven’t you should. Anyways, what you can do is- in a very subtle manner let them know that you are bored. Ok ok! Please don’t roll your eyes neither walk away. Subtle way, guys! Don’t break the eye contact completely, don’t stop nodding, but just stop being genuinely interested. And yes they will sense the lack of interest and shut up themselves or move on. This way you don’t make the ambiance negative by offending, but in a very polite way you ask the person to stop talking. What I am going to say next might make you think what is she even talking about! How can we just say it? Well, believe me you can. Many a times, honesty can actually help. When you honestly but gently and politely tell the other people “can we please change the topic” or “well I know I don’t really keep myself updated with world’s chaos, I don’t really like politics”, you kill two birds with one stone. (No animal was hurt while writing this idiom) *Hehehe*

Ofcourse firstly, they change the topic and secondly, you impress them and bury them with honesty. While suggesting this way, I must also say that this way of complete honesty is excelled and mastered by few. It’s an art how beautifully you can be honest without sounding mean and ill-mannered.

So this was today’s blog. Please let me know in the comments box below what you think about it.

So in a nutshell,

The next time someone is talking to you, be attentive and be present with all of your senses. The worst thing you can do in a conversation is being ignorant. If you always disrespect people, then they build up a natural feeling of resistance for you. Don’t let them do it. You can surely avoid and ignore shitty people, you don’t have to pay attention and waste time thinking about people who don’t matter. Just never let your important group of people be disappointed by your silly ignorance and arrogance. If you are genuinely not interested to listen, chose the two subtle ways I suggested to get out of the situation without offending them.

Hint for 3rd law- The Responses!

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Take care everyone.

Catch you soon.

How to become a good listener? (Part-1-Bright stories)

 Hey People! What’s up?

I really hope that all of you and your dear ones are super healthy and that that you all are taking care of yourself.

Probably if you have decided to read this blog, you are an enthusiastic person who possess the keenness to develop or improve the skill of listening. I really appreciate that zeal and interest you have showed in this blog.

*SOMETHING IMPORTANT~~~ This blog topic will be uploaded in 4 parts- every Sunday for 4 weeks, and each part will have one new law for becoming a better listener.

Mark the dates–Law 1~ 13 June, 2021

Please!  Law 2~ 20 June, 2021

Law 3~ 27 June, 2021

Law 4~ 4 July, 2021

With this hope that you get something useful by the end of the blog, let’s start.

Read this Please! 

⁃ This is the picture of a great message that I came across the internet a long time ago. (It’s a little blur, but please put up with it) The reason why I attached this image, is that I want you all to understand the importance of being a good listener, maybe we can discuss about that at length some other day. We all know how important it has become to listen attentively to people, and when I say this, I mean- “listen genuinely”. As I always say, people are not dumb! They know when you mean something and they know when you don’t. If you want to be a good listener, the first step is to mean what you are doing. I don’t really say that you cannot use this technique of listening for personal benefits, you certainly can. But remember that there shall not be a vicious intention behind it. So if anyone is here, to FAKE the art of listening- I am sorry but you can leave. We are here to learn how we can actually turn more attentive to people and their words, at the same time not get lost in them.

^^I must also mention, that whatever I write here are just my tools that I use in everyday life and some of the personal observations I have made in people till now. So you are free to adapt any other personal trick of yours, and we would actually be delighted to know if there is any other complementary tip you want to share with us. Feel free to write in the comments box below! ^^

(P.S.- I will be using the word “laws” for more sophisticated writing, but don’t misinterpret them as solid universal laws or something!)

So how to become a good listener?

Law 1: Say no to your bright stories.

⁃ Now this is an interesting thing I noticed in many people! Let’s assume a person comes to you and says- “I feel horrible! I am so demotivated and I feel like I don’t have a purpose in life!”

What you reply? Would you say- “Oh well! I am so sorry for that, but my life is cracking, I am so happy and my days are vibrant. My life is full of purpose and I know where I am going.” The next thing you’ll see that other person doing is- Running away from you as fast as they can. You were a horrible listener. Being a good listener ain’t only about being attentive or understanding, it’s more. Without even noticing, we all do this some or the other time. Isn’t it? But let’s stop doing this. When you do this to a person who came to you to seek help, all of theirs trust and comfort gets lost. They regret for having shared those things with you. What is the use of making a person who feels low, feel more low and insecure. Somewhere, we humans do this with someone, because we get pleasure out of it, we feel good about ourselves. But this is a smaller pleasure. Try feeling the pleasure you get after listening to someone whole heartedly and getting this in the last:- “ThankYou so much for listening to me. I am so glad I have someone to confide in. You are a very good listener.” And then you see their happy and more relaxed faces. That’s the real pleasure. On the contrary, don’t fake the understanding also. Yes! dare not speak a lie. If you say “Oh same is the case with me”, when in reality your days are blissful, it’s clear lying. You can take an easier, completely honest and a more effective way here. Tell them that you totally understand because you too have been there once. See? You were completely honest and genuine yet didn’t upset them with a shiny story of yours, which actually gives rise to jealousy and insecurity.

⁃ So the next time, someone comes to share their personal feelings with you, make sure you’re not annoying them with your own bright stories. Listen to them and try to understand where they stand; remember when you too have been there earlier.

So that was the first law for becoming a good listener. I really hope you enjoyed it.

Hint for the 2nd law- Pour your attention! And what to do if you can’t!

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Bye bye.

See you next sunny Sunday.