(Must Read) The Right Side of Universe, and How to be Positive? (TALKS)

 The Right Side of Universe

I don’t know if it’s Destiny, Universe or God, but there’s something which always has my back.

My mom always used to say “Believe that everything happens for good.” And as a kid I never understood what she really meant. But now, when I am in the process of developing mentally, I so much admit she was and has always been right about it. Everything happens for a reason, a good reason. It’s quite funny yet astonishing, I always get the right situations, right people, right background and many more rights* at the right time. And I am sure this doesn’t only happen with me, but with all of us. It’s just that some of us notice and realise, some don’t. And that is why today, I want to show you all The Right Side of Universe.

Have you ever wondered, why particular things happened with you during particular phase. We rarely notice it, but what if I ask you to notice it today, right now:- whatever we go through, right or wrong, good or bad, we realise it was so much needed at that moment. Nothing goes in vain. Everything, every incident, has a positive, much important part. But few notice it. The darkest times too, come with the most worthy lessons. Everything is preplanned and preplanned for our good.

Also, sometimes let things take their natural course and do not interrupt, let things happen, and watch how right your decision to not interrupt proves to be; because everything is happening for good and for your better. I would elaborate on this sometime later. A nice philosophical concept it is, surely.

Okay, let me share a few real examples from my life, to let you have a good laugh. When I was in 9th standard, I was giving one of my science practicals which I studied hard for. Suddenly my partner noticed me writing an answer and told me “Oh that’s wrong. Not A. The answer is B.” I listened to her and marked the answer B. On the result day, I got to know I scored 9/10 and the one mark I lost was in that Bullshit B. Damn my answer was right, if I would have not listened to that bullshit B. Since that day, for each exam I studied hard and was confident about, I never doubted my A, just because of a…..bullshit B.

(2 minutes of silence who got lost between what was A and B. For a moment, I did.)

(And three claps for those who understood what I meant and tried to convey.)

Hey so basically, every time I needed a lesson the most, I got it. Don’t know from whom, but I got it; at the right time. Also, I wonder how surprising it is that I met the right people at the right time, also I left people at the right time. As if, that “someone” wants me to grow and see beyond. I was stuck in certain situations alone, at the right time. “Someone” wanted me to fight alone and grow stronger. I faced emotional hardships, just at the right time. “Someone” is there. Someone who wants me to understand, to learn, to grow, to fight, to be right. Someone who’s my well-wisher, for sure.

You won’t believe me, but, the universe has provided all of us with one personal hypothetical “well-wisher.” We all have it. But rarely do we recognise it. Also, you might have heard about this popular phrase “every person comes with a reason”. That’s so right. I must mention, there is nothing like “forever” which exists (sorry for hurting the feelings of those forever love birds out there). You might remain in contact with your old friends throughout your life, but you won’t be connected forever. There lies a difference between being in contact and remaining connected. Remaining connected means not growing. I believe, universe will present you with the right people at the correct and appropriate phase. Your group will keep on changing as long as you will keep on changing. And the only thing which is constant is “change”. And that is why I say, your group and the type of people you surround yourselves with, is directly proportional to you. As I always say, we showcase our surroundings. It goes vice-versa. Our surroundings too showcase us.

And I think, the one most common reason amongst them all is, to teach. Everyone comes with a lesson to teach, as if our life is a class in a school. There are hundreds of teachers coming to teach us hundreds of lessons in hundreds of periods (life phases) every now and then. Take example of my exam partner, she taught me I should have been confident on my efforts and hours I studied for that test, and so I should have been confident of my answer (A).

Everything happens with a purpose. But do we really notice and think about it that deeply? Oh shut up, don’t tell me you don’t have time for it. A few minutes of deep thinking is all it asks for. Don’t make excuses, start taking some time off for yourself and for god’s sake sit in nature, feel the wind, let your body connect with it’s origin; the Mother Earth.

How to be positive? 

There are two groups of homosapiens (human beings) living in this universe (planet earth only, or also, you may never know) One believes in finding flaws even in the good times, being negative about things, doubting the destiny, taking things otherwise, showing no gratitude for what they already have, thinking they are ominous. The second group, the opposite, believes in finding good even in the worst situations, being positive about things, trusting the destiny, working on themselves everyday, having gratitude for what they have and being satisfied, thinking they are so fortunate. Or simply, the first group lives in the left side of Universe and the second group lives in the Right Side of Universe.

You too might agree with me, the people belonging to the second group are happier and more successful than the moaning people of first group.

Why is that so?

I must say, the choice is ours. Either to chose the first group or the second one.

I would have confronted my exam partner for eating my 1 mark and would have blamed her for not letting me score full marks or would have died in regret of listening to her. But that would have happened if I belonged to the first group. I don’t. I like belonging to the second one. I knew it was my mistake, no matter what she told me, the action of changing my answer was mine and only mine. Neither did I regret my mistake, I learnt from it and swear to never commit this mistake again. And chose to see the right side of universe.

You cannot blame your situations for you making a decision to enter the first group.

Everyone on this earth is facing some difficulties now and then, everyone is stuck somewhere, everyone has their own sorrows. For a 5th grade child, he getting failed in mathematics is the worst thing that can ever happen to him. For an adult, he losing his job for the 3rd time is the worst thing that can ever happen to him. For an old man, his son and daughter leaving him to an old age home is the worst thing that can ever happen to him. Our problems seem to be the worst to us. But do we ever have a moment to think:- I at least have shelter, two times meal and a loving family. Is the child sitting on footpath so fortunate like me? No, he sadly isn’t. Be grateful for what you have been gifted with. Moreover, no one’s life is less or more difficult than yours, we all are the same, living the same life, paying for our deeds, getting what we deserve, etc. 

All I want to say is, we all have problems as that’s what life is all about, overcoming difficulties; learning from them and coming out with flying colours. But what really makes a difference, is how strongly and positively we look at them. Either we chose the first group and start weeping on our bad luck. Or we chose the second group and start being grateful to god for strengthening us to fight back, learn and grow.

I once talked about human beings overstating their problems in one of my blog. I find this so true. We have learnt to overstate our situations and shed tears on it. But the reality is, it’s life and it’s testing you. A test not failed by any, but also successfully passed by few. These life test are not to prove you dumb or weak or even to look down upon you. Rather, they are here to make you remember that you need to stay strong and committed to yourself because life is not easy. Ahaan!! Again, I said life is not easy, not life is bad. It’s great. Isn’t it funny that we over react on certain situations and then when we look back years after, we laugh on ourselves and the level of stupidity we did at that time. Doesn’t this happen with you too? Oh it happens with me all the time. Lol. Talking personal, every time I am down and feel sad about something, I remember this great quote I heard of:-

“Be strong now

because things will get better,

it might be stormy now

but it can’t rain forever.”

Oh god damn! Wow! Favourite quote!

The next time you feel down, do say this to yourself. And chill, because that’s life and it’s not gonna change it’s hard ways to teach you lessons, rather we need to change our way of looking at things. We need to have a positive vision in order to have a positive life. 

Tell me if you liked this blog in the comments box below. Like and share. You can also write to me through mail:- anushkabadkul7@gmail.com

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

See you super soon next Sunday. 

HOW TO LOOK CONFIDENT? PART- 2

Hey people! How you doin’! 

Remember we were talking about confidence and it’s importance in the last blog! We even discussed a very relatable example of ourselves. Well if you wish to revise it once, check it out here:- https://heybloggya.blogspot.com/2020/12/how-to-look-confident-part-1.html

Now I would like to share a few tips/ways that I think can help people to look, sound and appear more confident. Tell me in the comments box below if you agree or tried any and if something works, I would be very happy.

*EYE CONTACT?                     

Well, you must have heard about this very common trick of maintaining an “eye contact” so as to look more confident. But no, today I would like to elaborate on how it works and when does it actually work. Imagine you are in a meeting and the person you are talking to is a dirty flirt, but you also want that project from him. To appear confident and compatible, you try to maintain an eye contact with him, he then even gives you the project, but not because of your confidence, but because he THINKS it was a hint you gave him. What was an eye contact for you, was a stare for him. What I really want to say is that sometimes some gestures have double meanings. The same happens with “eye contacts”. So the next time you want to appear confident enough, do not gaze or do not just stick to their face. Make sure you are not looking at them with your eyes wide open and are not making them feel awkward. Make sure you blink your eyes at a normal rate, of course. Do not sit like a robot, move your head, pass some good face gestures. Some gestures maybe like adjusting your specs work at formal places and passing a natural smile on dates or social gatherings, can actually work. Looking down at your legs or even looking very up, is not really a good thing. Maintaining a normal view is always desirable. No matter you’re at formal or an informal place, a warm little smile is good as it makes people think you are comforting and you can be a positive company.

*ATTIRE

What difference can clothes or looks make? Here is the answer- A world of difference. Talking of myself, I always noticed, whenever I wore something of my choice and got ready by myself, I looked more beautiful, had more confidence, did good at things, and gave much better performances. And since then, I have always given importance to how properly and neatly have I dressed up and look on certain occasions. However I know, I need not talk about this as most of us already know “we feel good when we look good”, but I would like to elaborate it a little bit.  Let’s understand it like this: imagine that feeling when you wear your new white sneakers or a new designer or branded dress, aren’t you filled with confidence and doesn’t your outfit thrill you?

Let’s discuss what actually happens. When we wear something we appreciate, we think others too would appreciate it, which boosts up our confidence. That feeling of looking approachable, fills us with happiness, inner happiness finds it’s way to the face which lightens our face up, which then fills us with confidence and self-assurance.

Not only clothes, the accessories too can bring a big change.  Personally speaking, I cannot state in words what confidence a wristwatch provides me with. Sometimes I also enjoy bold dark shades on lips. Well leave it. The only thing YOU need to do just now is, find out what thing works for you, what things makes you feel confident, is it some of your favourite shirt or a favourite pair of shoe, or a wristwatch or what?

My idol once said:- Don’t wear clothes, instead, carry them.

*POSTURE

We rarely notice how we are standing or moving, are we standing upright or are we slouching, are we really walking properly or are walking just for the sake of walking! The irony is however I notice other people’s way of sitting and walking, I myself sometimes forget to behave and maintain a posture. This doesn’t only happens with me, but with all of us. We know how to pin point others, but not ourselves first. We notice a boy slouching and judge and criticise him for that, but we rarely notice what is our posture while judging him: standing both feet apart, belly bulging outwards, fingers scratching scalp! No one likes to see a person without a backbone. There are certain assumptions we all homosapiens make on certain things, like a person who bends too much is assumed to be lazy and of no use, even if he actually is very talented. I do believe in this “first impression is the last impression”. Next time you are at a place where it all matters, pay attention on the way you talk, walk, meet, greet, stand, move. Your body language is actually a language, which says everything about you without even speaking a word. Let them assume by your posture and personality that you are a confident and an audacious person.

*BELEIF

A confident person is all about believing in herself. Having faith in you is the most important thing if you really want others to have faith in you. I have seen a couple of people in my life who are really good actually but have no confidence in themselves and that is why they lack it in front of others too. Before you think of using any of the tricks, you need to trust yourself and your abilities. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else, because it’s hell true that everyone is uniquely different. Having confidence in who you are and what you have is so much enough. One way of doing this, which I would suggest, is making a list of your achievements, to not get pride but faith, faith in yourself. Achievements of any type: social, emotional, physical, academics, skills, psychological, developmental, etc. Sit, calm down and try to jog down all those things you feel happy or proud that you did them. One more way of gathering courage and strengthening yourself is SELF-HELP. Self help by talking to yourself more and more. Believe me, I do this all the time. Self help is the best help. Whenever in self doubt, talk to yourself as one of your well-wishers and be a friend to yourself. Speak positive about yourself to yourself. Admire. For the sake of god, once and for all, be your Poo (from kabhi khushi kabhi gham) No one, not even this blog post can immediately turn you into a confident person, until you would put your individual efforts. For some people with different nature it might be difficult, by different nature I mean, some introverts, some submissive people, some shy ones, or simply those who like to be reserved, but hey! It’s not impossible. By our unstoppable efforts, and by having proper control on our own mind and body, it is possible to oppose our natural nature sometimes, for good. Many people would try to discourage you by talking negative. Yes! Somewhere, someone, somehow will demotivate us, either today or tomorrow. But what makes the difference is how we chose to react? Shall we feel upset and start doubting ourselves? Or shall we motivate ourselves from the demotivation we get, and prove to those who once underestimated us. The decision and the action is always ours.

This is the time. Start taking yourself seriously, if you want others to. Start working for yourself, start motivating yourself, start putting efforts. Start building a character. Once you have a confident personality, the world is yours Pal.

A big man once said-

With realisation of one’s own potential and self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.  

            – Dalai Lama

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Stay connected. See ya.

How to Look Confident? Part- 1

 “Confidence is the key”, yes it really is. But why is it so? And hey where to be confident? How to be confident? Well, I would answer to all these questions in today’s blog. 

Hello people, a happy Sunday to everyone.

Why is it so?

Why some people come and be in limelight by impressing everyone in the room and go, while some come and never get noticed? It’s their confidence that makes the difference. Many a times we want ourselves to be noticed, to be heard, to be preferred, maybe because we want something from them to be done or it’s just that we want to impress them by our audacious character, like in interviews or on dates. To understand the importance of being a confident person at social places or even in some personal groups, let’s take an example of ourselves. I would not tell you confidence is that, confidence does this, does that. Rather, I would like to show you.

What do we think or do Hhaan? When, you look at a handsome hunk or a beautiful lady dressed absolutely up to the mark, entering the hall with little kindness and a pinch of pride on his/her face. And as he/she walks, mouths murmur, one being your own. Then that ‘one’ walks right straight into the hall to meet the host of the party, who then shakes hand with the host and passes a gorgeous smile to him and to everyone they see next. . Who then pass gestures like a queen/a king, and attracts every freaking person in the hall. Who then also looks at you sitting jaw dropped, but are ignored, as you are not so important and carry it on your face “I just came in here to enjoy food”, actually. Who then by their body language, signs, ways of socializing and by their strong character (sometimes faked skilfully), prove who is the boss in here and make people their presence felt. You can clearly notice if she/he just left the place. And as he/she leaves, mouths murmur behind, one being your own.  

Exactly. I hope you got the vibes of that personality. We all experience this somewhere somehow. Isn’t it? So don’t you want to be that one person? I must clear it, I do not talk about people who are confident being mean and rude to everyone and those who find it very cool to walk with full pride on being rich and are proud of money and respect they didn’t even earn themselves, but their fathers did. Confidence is nothing but faith you have on your own self and your abilities.  It has got nothing to do with prejudice.  Confidence is the only thing which can help you make the other person think “Oh god! I cannot afford to not look at/talk to/listen to/appoint/marry/whatever this person. I do not say that if you are confident, it’s enough and you don’t want any degrees or skills, rather, if you are skilful and then confident, it’s the cherry on the top.

It’s pretty much understood that when we appear to be a confident person, the other human already judges what kind of personality and character we can have. What other people always think of a confident person is that she/he must be bold, better decision maker, influencer, graceful, compatible, leader and more such desirable qualities come to their mind. Isn’t it an asset then? If you can make an impact on someone or a group of “someones” by making them believe that you are the most compatible person present here, as confidence is your strength, then why not do it? Let’s do this.

Where to look confident?

Though this is a silly question, yet it’s quite important. Well, if you ask me? I would be in character all the time, so that I don’t mess with ‘where to be’ and ‘where not to be’. I mean, I would be a confident person all the time. I would love to maintain an image, an image of a confident lady. So I would recommend you to, as I said, ‘be in character’, that is, be confident, in everything you do, every place you go, in front of  each person you meet. But what if it’s hard for you to do it all the time, and you only wish to do that trick occasionally to get what you want. Then yes, I can name a few occasions where this trick phenomenally works. In interviews and recruitment, the one thing they are surely looking for is decision maker which is one of the many great qualities of a confident person. It also does work in social gatherings like parties or events. I also observed it definitely works when you participate in a competition, and when you have that ‘winning vibe’, as you are confident enough of your practice and hard work, no one can afford to not give you the 1st position, but wait, remember I said “confident vibe” not “over confident vibe”. Over confident i.e.  conceited  people never win, as they are just too satisfied with what they are now, as a result they never learn, as a result they never grow, as a result they never win. Also, some people might be thinking “to look confident in front of elder people or not to?” Look, let me make myself clear on this. This question bumped in my and your head because we are Indians (assuming an Indian is reading this blog, which is the most obvious thing happening, as I can see I haven’t got much of foreign readers yet…haha) Yaa so I was saying, this question bumped in my and your head because we are Indians and our parents have always taught us to never talk or behave disrespectfully with elders. Right? And that is why we fear that if we sound and look very confident in front of much wiser elders, we would actually be insulting them. But hey, worry not, there’s nothing like that. I must mention, confidence is not something which makes you look or sound very conceited or very rude and mean. If it does, then you are surely mistaken ‘over confidence’ for ‘confidence’.  Being confident in front of elders is no harm and is not at all disrespectful. Remember your basic ethics of bowing down, touching their feet or doing a ‘Namaste’. What matters is whether you have a good heart and whether your intentions are good or not, that’s true respect.

I wish I could continue writing further on my favourite sub topic (and I think yours too) “How to look confident” but because I think I have already written to a certain limit, I must cover it in the next blog i.e. the next Sunday. The next blog would be all about “The ways”, telling you how can you actually look more like a confident person. Excited for the ways?

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Please remain tuned for the next blog post. I am sure you would enjoy the ways, after all who would not like to be noticed. Right?

Until then, Babbye.

DISTRACTION = DESTRUCTION (AND HOW TO OVERCOME IT) (TEENS)

 Distraction. Not a new topic, right?

But do we actually know how harmful these distractions are? Do we know how important it is to realize where and how are we getting distracted? Do we know how can we overcome these distractions and remain focused? Don’t worry, I figured out a few things which work for me, which I would share with you, hope it works for you too. Today, I would provide you with some very useful tricks to handle such a distracting situation. I know it seems almost impossible for some people, but actually, it’s very much possible. As, I believe, the easiest and the most worthy things to do, are the things we do for ourselves, by ourselves.

Before starting, I would like to inform my dear readers about this most awaited series that I have finally started, known as, TEENS. Yes, as you can already guess from the name, it would be all about some tricks and tips that I want to share with my fellow teens to handle this most difficult and at the same time the most exciting period- the teenage! As I am a teen too, I can so much understand what we guys feel. Although, I cannot understand you completely as every story is unique, but somewhere we all teens have a great deal in common.
 We neither have a kiddish mind, nor a mature one. Imagine what trouble are we in. Sometimes we feel like grown ups and sometimes like 5 year old nagging kid. I believe, some how, every kid adjusts with the childhood and some how every person with the adulthood. But, the teenage is the most tricky one. Some die, some float, some fly.
This is the first post I have for you, teens. Hope you enjoy, tell me in the comment box, how it was.

So hey, let’s start-
First of all, I ask myself, what is “distraction”?
To me, anything which doesn’t let you focus, anything which doesn’t let you be at peace and at ease, anything which takes you off the track, anything which asks you to lose control of yourself, anything which overpowers your mind and heart, is A DISTRACTION.

Ask yourself these “anythings!” mentioned above. Check if you feel that there is something or someone which distracts you from your path. Checklist, analyze, and take a decision if it is a distraction or not. (Believe me, if you have something or someone in your mind which could be a distraction, don’t get confused. Our human mind would never accept that a thing which pleases us can also be unpleasant. If you have something in mind, don’t overthink, take a decision for yourself and accept that it’s not that pleasant and I need to overcome and change.) Now let’s know how we can come out of it.

1. SOCIAL MEDIA- A DISASTER.
– We were so happy and sorted, then this social media happened. I must say, I think, the invention of social media is the most devastating things human race has ever faced. It’s a curse on the face of the earth. I must also mention, if used properly and with utmost care and attention, it can also be counted in the greatest inventions. But do we use it properly and with utmost care and attention? NO. A big NO. Very teeny tiny people are able to do that. And that’s where, we start getting distracted and destroy ourselves. The first step to bring your calm back, is to quit social media. Start doing this for a shorter span and then jump to a longer one, then to a permanent quit. I say this with experience. I count it in the the best decisions I ever took. Instagram seems such a divine place, when actually it’s a hell, especially for the growing children like teens. As I said, we neither are kids, uploading car and barbie game’s winning screenshots and nor are we that mature to realize the harm we are doing to ourselves. The reality of social media sites like (specifically) Instagram and Facebook, is that people are not uploading pictures to connect, to love and care, to bond, to make friends. Rather, they are uploading pictures to show off, to deceive, to make people feel jealous, to build a wall between you and your loved
ones, to make people feel insecure, etc. Look how negative impact we all are having through these sites.

We look at people loving each other, people hating each other, and beleive me or not, we showcase our surroundings. Because of Instagram, either we have started feeling too less about ourselves or too much about ourselves. We have somewhere lost the perfect balance of being proud on what we have and know, and being eager to learn what we don’t know.
We watch negative things, pass negative things, fill ourselves with negativity, surround ourselves with negativity, and then expect to be happy. What justice is this? To those who post a picture with caption “Good vibes only”, with utmost respect I ask, dear do you really think you are surrounding yourself with good vibes only. Or are you getting upset seeing that your crush didn’t like your post until now and are doubting yourself for not being too handsome or beautiful for a boy/girl like him/her. However I know I’m going to sound like a saint or something, but, I really think, rather, we should have a moment with ourselves and self analyze and self realize the good deeds, the bad ones, the accomplishments, the mistakes, the learning, the plans further. That would be productive first, and then it fills the person with positivity(or should I use the Instagram language- it fills you with GOOD VIBES ONLY.) 

2. TAKE SOME TIME OFF
-Taking some time off from the daily drama is something I think keeps us focused. The best way I do this is, by leaving my phone for a few days or weeks. We spend (waste) so much of our time on YouTube, Instagram, WhatsApp, and by this all we do is get distracted. When we could utilize our time doing productive stuff, we waste it by surfing on sites or playing games. (I just wonder sometimes, people never had time to play a kid’s game Ludo, or to play with their parents or even friends, but as soon as it became a nonsense trend, everyone loves it. Bullshit. When would we start putting our own brain and stop following others blindly? Well, okay, sorry for this out of the context talk) So basically, all I want to say is that we must take some time for ourselves (if you can leave your phone for a week, better) and talk to ourselves, analyze things, make better decisions, and live life in true sense.

3. REMEMBER YOUR GOAL-
Everytime I feel confused or distracted, all I do is remember why am I here. These confusions and distractions are just a reminder that you need to remain focused, you need to have control on yourselves, you need to build yourself up and be unbreakable. Just recall, what am I here for? What is my goal? What do I want from my life? Believe me, if we do this with full concentration, this exercise can change everything. Purpose and Meaning, the two most powerful things in the universe. Know your purpose, it can be anything, from a little kiddish desire of being a millionaire or a mature desire to pay back your parents. It does not matter, how big or small, how kiddish or mature your purpose is, as long as it’s POWERFUL and you have DETERMINATION, it’s a desire, it’s your purpose, and it needs to be respected and fulfilled by hardwork. Use your self-motivation to remain focused and forget about all the distractions which would pay you back nothing.

4. THE MOST COMMON TEEN DISTRACTION- LOVE. AND HOW TO OVERCOME IT?
-Although, I understand this is the time when we hardly have control on whom to like, whom to get attracted to, whom to fall in love with. But, it’s crucial that we understand the reality. I am not an anti-lover, I just believe in practical love. And I think that’s what we all should do. Love is not bad, what stupidity some people do in love is bad. You might already know what I mean by right love and wrong love if you have read my previous blog on heart compartments. Sometimes we might feel like he/she is the one, or it’s a true love, or it’s a perfect match, or I won’t get a better one. It’s too common. But the truth is- your life is testing you. Will you react like a normal teen who becomes over excited by seeking someone’s attention or would you be calm and behave mature enough for a teen to understand it’s a test.

that needs to be passed anyhow and not get distracted.  This is the time when we are fighting with our own hormones. I know it’s not easy to stay focused everytime, after all we all are growing, are learning and somewhere or sometime we look at a person and get attracted and start liking them. Actually, if you ask me, it’s very healthy. It’s natural and we cannot do much about it. I know it sounds a little weird, but sometimes such little attractions are healthy to maintain a balance. We cannot totally oppose our hormonal changes. It’s healthy to look at someone and have those goosebumps and feel good about someone. It’s okay. But stop, stop there. Don’t let your feelings overpower you, don’t let your healthy attraction become a harmful distraction. As soon as you notice that you are not able to focus, are not able to get them out of your head, and are going crazy for them, stop there. If you don’t want yourself to get destroyed at such a crucial period when you can make a better future, you need to understand the difference between healthy attraction and harmful distraction. Healthy attractions are very light and subtle, they don’t waste your time, they keep your hormones stable, they don’t overpower you and your feelings, they don’t let you get distracted. But almost every teen often starts turning their healthy attraction into harmful distractions. Which is why I say, proper control and balance is the key. When you know where to stop, where to control, is where you truly deserve an appreciation. Everyone can say a ‘Yes’ when their crush proposes them and change their healthy attraction to a harmful distraction. But the real clever teen is one whose self control is so strong that he rejects his crush’s proposal, as he knows this is the point to stop, to not change my healthy attraction into a harmful distraction.

5. REMEMBER YOUR MOST PAINFUL INCIDENTS OR YOUR DARKEST SECRETS.
– Sounds absurd? crazy? nonsense? I understand. But it works. Let me tell you how. When we get distracted and we knowingly want to do something harmful, the best way to avoid it and stop, is FEAR. We all are afraid of some or the other things, okay, I am not talking about lizards or crocodiles. We are the most afraid of facing those painful incidents again which horrifies us like anything or either we are afraid of our darkest secrets being revealed in front of the world. These two fears, I think, are the most personal, and that is why frighten people the most and can even get them do anything. In the everyday world, we call it “Blackmailing”. Now here’s a trick. Might sound a little different, but worth to try, BLACKMAIL YOURSELF! Yes. Remember, an incident you cannot forget, an incident which broke you, a family issue that went too far, an accident which shook you. Now blackmail yourself. For a person like me, who is tough, torturing yourself a little can actually push you to work harder. But if you are an emotional one, don’t do that, it would then only make you dwell in the past and make you feel sad and demotivated, which we don’t want at all.

6. MAKE A TO DO LIST REGULARLY.
– When you have something to do and when you know you cannot afford to stop, then you are more motivated and less distracted. Making a “To Do List” is something we hear a lot about, but never practice. Right? I request you to not ignore this post and actually try to practice and see the results yourself. When you have a schedule and you already plan your affairs, it’s often difficult to be lazy and get distracted by cell phones or other stuff. Imagine, you left your phone for a week and now have got a whole lot of time with you. And then you decide to make a checklist i.e. a TO DO LIST and complete all your tasks and tick them up as soon as you finish with them. Wow! What a satisfaction.

At last, I would like to clarify something. Is it too late to start? No, it’s never too late. Start right now and start making better decisions for yourself. You know what friend, I am a positive person. And I can find positivity in almost everything. Now what if I say distractions are good for you

if you are able to recognize them. These distractions are necessary to push you and remind you your purpose and meaning. It’s never too late to take a safe and right U-turn. It’s never too late to quit social media, it’s never too late to control on hours we use cell phone, it’s never too late to recall your goal, it’s never too late to dump a distraction, it’s never too late to get motivated from dark demotivations, it’s never too late to prepare a To Do List for yourself. It’s just never too late. Start, right now.

And hey I must say, these all were my observations on things, it is possible that for some type of beings, a couple of them may not work. It totally depends on your nature and kind.

Well now, what’s your take on this? 
DISTRACTION = DESTRUCTION
Do you agree?
Please tell me what’s your views on it in the comments section below or you can also write to me through mail. – anushkabadkul7@gmail.com 

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Catch you later! Bye.

HOW TO RESPOND, AND NOT REACT.

 I remember we were talking about some matter and then my friend said that one line “Learn to respond, and not react.” Since then, this line never quit my mind and I think it never will. It is one of the best lessons my life has taught me till now. Which, I would always be grateful to get from one of my dear friend. So Thank You for this deary. 

So what do you think this post is about?

Not always do we agree with someone’s opinions. Right? There are times when we wish to oppose them, disagree and rebel. As a normal person, we always do this, and as a result either we get into a debate or fight, or we make the ambience awkward and undesirable.  But what if we behave as a clever person this time? Everyone has got something to say, but how they say it, or say nothing at all, makes the difference. .  We need to oppose our natural opposition reaction (anger, hatred, disagreement, arrogance, ignorance, etc.)  to a situation, and that is why many people find it difficult to do. If we walk out of the crowd and are clever enough to be conscious and aware of our own self and not do what naturally comes to us, that’s self control. And that is what this concept teaches us.

I would not explain this concept, but in this post I would do something different. I would clarify the myths or misinterpretations you can have about “responding, and not reacting”. In this way I would be able to make you guys understand the right way of looking at this concept. And also, it would clear all your doubts and myth which would bump in your mind. So this is the first misinterpretation :-

Do you want us to suppress our valuable opinions?

 No, I say, not at all. Responding and not reacting, does not ask us to suppress your voice and opinions. It simply asks us to not say rubbish when we want to, at the wrong place. There are certain situations in which we can and we should oppose, but some situations ask for some clever response. Then what are these situations and how do we differentiate between them? The answer to this is- whenever you feel like it is an important issue, I think you must raise your voice and oppose the wrong, this can happen in crowded places or even when one of your sagacious friend or person is around who would actually pay attention to what you are saying and would understand. But in some situations, it is much better to simply respond.

I really think that in our everyday life we meet so many people; so many people with opposite opinions and views. What do we do when they say something we do not agree with, or something we have a different take on? Yeah, normally we oppose, get into a debate and soon into a fight. And some people who like to over think, often keep on thinking about the same thing for 2 days and keep on thinking what better facts could they have added up there to win the debate, and regret for not adding them. Why so much of drama? When simply you could have just respond. Many of these people are not going to meet you ever again, and many are just a part of just a phase of your life. Then why to waste your time, energy , sometimes- money, on them?

 I do not ask you to not say anything against the wrong practices. When you see child labour, or harassment, or racism, you have to raise your voice. Although you have got nothing to do with these people, by taking a correct step you can make a child’s future, give strength to a woman and support a black by adding your voice against the injustice he has been facing. One step also can make a world of difference.  

But when things are not that serious and are silly, one needs to just respond and move on. In this fast paced life, we cannot waste our precious time on stupid people and silly things and topics. After all, 90% of people would not change their 25 years old thinking which they grew up with, after listening to your 5 minutes speech.  This can happen in extremely exceptional cases (10%) , either when a person is too easy to convince or they are too great to get enlightened.

So we need to ignore what these people are saying and neglect them?

No, certainly not. To me- Ignorance is equal to a reaction. If your expressions show the other person that you are least interested and are not even listening to them and does not give a shit on their opinions, the situations would be even worse. You need to be super clever. If you would give an impression of ignorance, people feel disrespected and then their ego talks for them, which we don’t want. We want that we keep our mind cool as well as we maintain the same relation with the person and does not offend them at all. What have we got to do?

How to respond?

Pretend and use your drama class skills. Use them very wisely, don’t overact because people are not dumb, they will catch you very soon. Show that you are listening, but don’t listen. You have to also use words, as just nodding won’t suffice. Sometimes nodding in the wrong way also gives an impression of disrespect. Even if sometimes you just can’t agree, simply listen, smile and move. Just nod as if you definetly agree with them and pass a beautiful smile. Believe me, you are having the last laugh.  

What would be the benefits of doing this?

You would maintain a healthy relation with the person and would not make the environment negative. You would keep yourself sorted and not waste time on silly things. You would not keep yourself busy by thinking what I could have said. Because a response is a simple and sorted thing which doesn’t need much of strategies. Respond with respect.

I must also mention, one of my grandpa shared with me once “You see that I don’t make my beliefs and opinions so firm that one day when they are opposed, they hold the power to hurt me. Be quite neutral about silly things.” This might be the wisest statement I have heard from him, although there are many more of them. 

Robert Downey Jr. once quoted “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the suck you were gonna do anyway.” 

I must say this is the best way I found to remain sorted, mentally as well as with outer relations with humans. If you agree with this concept which tries to keep you sorted, then please try practicing this once and tell me how it was! I would be more than happy if my readers write to me through mail or in the comments box below. My email Id is- anushkabadkul7@gmail.com

You can follow my blog page by simply clicking on the “FOLLOW” option which appears as you open the post, beside three dots. Click on it and enter your email Id. Sign up! Then you will be asked for a confirmation on your email to follow Bloggy A. Click on confirm. You’re done.

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

See you very soon. Take care.

WHAT IS “RESPECTING GIRLS AND WOMEN” IN THE TRUE SENSE? (TALKS)

 “Ladies first!”

“Give her the first turn as she is a girl.”

“Give her one more chance after all, she is a girl.”

“Give her the seat because she is a girl.”

How far do you agree with these commonly used statements?

If you do not agree with them (just like me) , you would probably enjoy this blog post even more.

Is this just what we mean by “respecting girls”? I am really sorry, but I cannot agree with this.

I think it counts as an etiquette to ask a girl if she wants to sit on your seat because maybe it’s her that day of the month, but if the girl says she is comfortable in standing then you must not force her ,as, what if she is a girl, she knows how to stand; in bus as well as for herself.

Before I start with my topic, I have something to tell! I am starting this new series “TALKS” in which I would speak my mind and share with you people my thoughts on particular things. In fact, this post is the first one on the “TALKS” series. Hope you guys enjoy.

We are all humans. No one is less, and neither one is more. I think our society has always taught us to respect a girl in wrong ways. And sorry, but it is still doing that. I would elaborate on this later in this post.

To me, the real respect and freedom is- educating your daughter, encouraging her for higher studies, giving her the freedom to choose her own path and career, giving her a “voice”, letting her have her independent views, etc. But unfortunately, very few parents and some people understand this and abide.

 Either we just don’t understand the meaning of freedom or when we do, we misinterpret it.

I have always loved to stand for girls and their rights. I believe we have a voice too which needs to be heard, our views do matter, our presence has to be felt.

Superiority or Equality?

I do not ask for superiority, but clear equality. But I have seen a bunch of girls who are fighting for the former. I ask “what is the difference left between men and women then?” They denominated us, and now we want to do the same! If such so called “feminist girls”, call me anti-feminist, I would accept it. Because I want to be treated equally and not be privileged and I would always fight for women’s rudimentary and true rights.

Now I must mention how do we misinterpret freedom and respect. What if you are letting your daughter wear shorter clothes and party late night, but if you do not consider her opinions on important life or family decisions. To me, sorry to say, but you are still old fashioned. Instead, if you are educating her and has given your daughter a vision of her own, you already are proving yourself as perfect modernized parents. I do not get it, why some girls find all the freedom in “partying late night”. There are other important issues too which need to be raised and are the need of the hour. Today, I say, first let’s focus on the bigger and more important issues. I think when we would be able to create an educated and independent society, the other types of freedom would also come then. As well as we would have a better surrounding for humans to live in.

Imagine:- You educated your daughter. She grows, is independent, has her own voice and thoughts. Your daughter, because of her being a broad minded person, educates her daughter as well as son too. Your daughter’s daughter becomes a successful woman. She also educates her daughter and persuades her to weave her own path. In this way, by the time, let’s assume, the girls know how to stand for themselves and boys have reached that understanding and respect women in true sense. So basically the world becomes a better place to live in, and girls are able to walk in dark as well without any fear and boundaries and also wear whatever they wish to. (this can definitely  happen earlier too, if our thoughts progress at that fast rate, which I hope, will)

But remember this won’t be possible to achieve, if we start from the end point. It’s necessary to first build that atmosphere which is safe for us. And this can only be done by educating our girl child and teaching her how to have a voice and raise it when needed. Also, it’s crucial that our little boys are taught how to respect a girl and her voice and how to treat her equally. To all those parents, I request, please don’t teach your little boy to cut those beautiful wings of a girl, instead, teach them to encourage a girl to fly even higher and be her strength.

I must say our society has always used certain absurd statements for girls which need to be broken and opposed. “What man? You got beaten by a GIRL. What a loser you are!” Such horrible lines stay with us in our sub conscious mind for long, and the worse happens, when we unknowingly use them in front of our children. All I want is, that we, the next generation needs to be aware of the fact that what we would showcase, is what our next generation would.  I have seen some aunts saying this to their son when they got beaten or maybe lost a game to a girl. “Ladki se pitt ker aagya? Kya yr!” This statement gives a view that girls are weak and less, and boys cannot afford to lose to them. WHAT NONSENSE!  I feel so sorry for those aunts who themselves being a woman cannot respect a woman. But that’s not what we would do. Right? We would not showcase what our society did. We would change the world. We would never tell our boys that girls are less or weak. Rather, we would tell our boys “Your mom was once a girl too, and she is and has always been strong. Always respect woman, dear.”

“I would wear bangles if I lost”, “It’s men’s work, you cannot do this, go help your mom” “Let your brother do it. Stay aside” “Don’t talk when men are speaking” “Don’t oppose your husband. Do what he says” “Let boys have the fun”.

I firmly oppose all this nonsense. There are a lot more weird things society says, let them bark. Never pay attention on what these people say. Think about your happiness.  Have a goal, and you go girl!

I really believe, it all starts from our mind. A wrong thought does not take much time to flow in our hands and make us commit a crime. Children, both girls and boys, should be taught the value of the 3 I’s-  Individuality, Independence and Integrity.  I find myself feeling proud and lucky enough at the moment that my parents provided me with all.

I must also mention, as more and more people have started educating their girl child and also has started teaching their boys how to respect woman in true sense, our society is growing and changing. I have seen many modernized parents who do not differentiate between their sons and daughters at all. Many parents have started giving equal opportunities, equal rights, equal status to their boys and girls. That’s what I say, right education and good upbringing is the only path to begin with.

With this, I conclude.

“We do not want the first turn to bat just because we are girls, let us have a fair play. Then let’s see who wins.”

I must say, all that I wrote are my personal views on things.

Hope you liked it. See you next week.

MY THEORY OF HEART COMPARTMENTS!

 INTRODUCTION –

I am lost.

I don’t want to live anymore.

My world has come to an end. Everything is over.

Yess, that’s what we say or think when we just came to blows (had a fight) with someone who is close and dear to us.

I call all of this “over exaggeration of situations”. Later in this blog I would clearly explain what I mean by this and by the end of this blog, you would hopefully be able to control and cope with your emotional attitude towards such mentally breaking situations.

Can our whole life be dependent on just one person?

Well if you ask me, I would say a big “NO”. And I can show this if you want.

I observed, when we are sad , we try to overemphasize our situation and take it to be the toughest situation, when actually it is not. For instance, when a child loses his favourite toy he says “This is so disgusting, I want that back, it was my favourite, I cannot live without it.” When actually we all know when his next birthday would appear and he would be gifted by another toy , that would become his favourite toy then. But I must also mention, the loss has to be recognised, after all everything has it’s own special place. This continues to happen with us even when we grow up. We often overstate the importance of a person or a situation; and the irony is, this happens with all of us; sometimes with me, sometimes with you.

Now let me tell you how our society and external sources forces us even more to over exaggerate the importance of a person in our life.  Since childhood, we have heard the tales of love and it’s power, the tales of true friendship, the sayings like “Our parents are just like our god to us”. These things, believe it or not, have been there in our sub conscious mind ever since we grew up. We have always exaggerated the importance of people in our life. I do not say it’s all fake or nonsense, I just say it’s way too much than needed. The daily soaps, television sitcoms and the cinema industry have always talked about the greatness of love, often forcing people to believe in it blindly. In India, old people used to express (or I should say “exaggerate”) their love towards someone by saying “Main tumhare liye chaand taare todh ker la sakta hoon”, which means, “I can bring the moon and the stars just for you babe”. But when we think practically, it’s not possible and is ridiculous. Our society has encouraged us to be at the extreme ends, love wholeheartedly or hate wholeheartedly, but it never taught us how to maintain that middle place of happiness.  

  It is also not possible that our whole life of 29,200 days (assuming the person lived 80 years) depends on a single person or even just a small group of persons. It is crucial to understand that other important people still do exist who love you as much as they did before.

I do agree sometimes we are broken, deceived, betrayed, hurt, disappointed ; but remember how Robert Frost summed up everything he learnt from his life in three words : “LIFE GOES ON”.

Theory Of Heart Compartments –

My Theory of Heart Compartments states “Our heart is not one, it is divided as compartments which are owned by different people or groups of people.” I must say, the more simple it sounds, the more complicated it is.

Sometimes we fight with are parents, sometimes with grandparents, sometimes with best friends, sometimes with siblings, sometimes with close colleagues, sometimes with boyfriend/girlfriend, sometimes with life partner.

 Is this the time which breaks you? NO. This is the time which makes you.

People are a part of our life, not our life.

Now let’s understand how this theory works-

We all have a bunch of important people in our life.  Isn’t it? I say all those people who count in our life, own a separate unique place in our heart, which I call a “heart compartment”. It is important to recognize who these people are. In times we feel sad or hurt, these are the people who can give us some real hope. Sometimes some close person would hurt you and this is the time you seek for help to the other close person, and this series goes on. In this way, we always have someone who has our back.  We always have such people around, where we go wrong is- when we are unable to recognize their valuable presence. Take for instance:-  you fought with your parents over something? Don’t feel upset, call your best friend, ask her to make you feel better. Or I can assure you with this, even if you don’t ask her for it, then too you would get it all. Or let’s say you fought with your friend? Before you speak anything, your parents would know it all , and this makes me believe that something like sixth sense do exist. Have a nice movie night with them or simply talk about life or something. Lay down your head on your mom’s lap. I think you can already imagine the peace. It might sound a little silly, but actually if we just keep our ego aside and forget for a moment that we are grown up (for an adult) , we can make ourselves feel so much better.

WHO SHALL OWN OUR HEART COMPARTMENTS ? –

Well if you ask me, I assign 8 as the maximum limit of people who can really own one of your heart compartments (taken for usual people). A highly extrovert person might say “What?” Well okay I understand, for highly extrovert people, the upper ceiling can move to 11 or 12. Look at this-

Types of people	Maximum limit
Highly introvert	4-5
Introvert	6
Ambivert	8
Extrovert	10
Highly extrovert	11-12

The people who really own your heart compartments are the people who count. People , you know, will always be there no matter what happens. These are the people whose presence is felt by you. Imagine for a second, if they weren’t there in your life. Do you feel incomplete? If yes, add them immediately. I must also mention, heart compartments does not have to remain consistent, some may disappear, some may add, some may make it to the end. Remember do not lie to yourself. The ONLY person you can be completely honest with , is You. Be true to yourself and make a virtual count of those golden people.

CAN THIS LESSEN OUR PAIN? –

No, certainly not.  Nothing, I say, can lessen the pain of separation, disappointment, expectations, betrayal, etc. But YES, believing that your life still goes on and other people whom you love are still there for you, can make you feel tons better. I must say it’s not easy. I must say people own special compartments in your heart and that is why a loss cannot be compensated. The “parent’s compartment” cannot be compensated by friends and vice- versa. But these remaining compartments can certainly help you to resolve your concerns; maybe to fill the void space and gradually the broken compartment can be vanished into thin air or maybe replaced by another.

CAN THIS BE PRACTICED BY PEOPLE IN LOVE? –

Well that is a difficult question. Isn’t it? Asking a lover to not say “She/He is my whole life” is tough, really tough. (Haha, right) I strongly believe that “Love is a thing which blinds us beyond redemption.” We cannot let feelings blind us to the facts. I think it would be a little difficult for people in WRONG LOVE to accept this theory of heart compartment which opposes their favourite line ‘You are my whole life.’ Oh okayy! What is RIGHT LOVE then? To me, love in it’s true sense is something which never bounds you to a limit but encourages you to fly even higher. It’s important that both the partners understand each other’s individuality and also accept that the other partner’s life comprises of other important people too. “A relationship which asks for sacrifices of other relationships is a fake one, I say.” It’s important to understand that there are other people too who own your partner’s heart compartments. Remember you, and make your partner too remember that.

“Love people wholeheartedly, but don’t give one your whole heart.”

I must also mention, if you did not relate to this and did not agree, probably you are more of an emotional person which is completely okay, so sorry if I could not be of any help to you people. But if you did agree,we are alike, tough.

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Stay tuned. Catch you later.