How to be a good listener? (Part-3-Response!)

 Hey beautiful people! How you doin’?

So in the last blog, that is Part 2, this is what we learnt- 

The next time someone is talking to you, be attentive and be present with all of your senses. The worst thing you can do in a conversation is being ignorant. If you always disrespect people, then they build up a natural feeling of resistance for you. Don’t let them do it. You can surely avoid and ignore shitty people, you don’t have to pay attention and waste time thinking about people who don’t matter. Just never let your important group of people be disappointed by your silly ignorance and arrogance. If you are genuinely not interested to listen, chose the two subtle ways I suggested to get out of the situation without offending them.

Let’s continue with Part 3 today. 

Law 3: Responses!

From the title itself, I think it’s quite clear what I am going to talk about today. Yes, we are going to discuss Responses. 

Some people share a common problem and they say- “You know what, I think I am really attentive and I do genuinely listen to other people. But I don’t know what makes these people think that I am not listening to them and they think I am being arrogant!”

I know, sometimes we just really forget to show that we are actually listening to them maybe because we are listening to them just so attentively that we get lost in their words and our imagination and grow unaware of the present situation. But I guess we all would agree upon this, that this could be really harmful. The other person might wonder if you aren’t there when actually you are so much there. 

How to deal with this then?

Okay so I am not here to give some words of wisdom, I myself am a learner and am trying learning new things everyday. But I can surely share the little little things I have learned so far. 

When you are listening to someone, it’s important to see if they know that you are listening to them. This might sound like a very basic thing, but the reason why I decide to give this point a part in the series is because I feel the need of more recognition be given to this little but crucial thing. 

Here are some really really simple things you can do to tell people that you’re listening to them because guess what, you are!

1.**Check if you’re not losing an eye contact. (please don’t misread ‘eye contact’ as ‘stare’ and HaHa you can definitely blink, keep it natural)

2.**Try adding a few lines when they take pauses in between. (to convey that you do take some interest in what they’re talking about)

3.**Don’t stop with the natural nodding, but ofcourse as long as you agree.

4.**Try adding a worthy piece of information you recently got to know about, related to the topic they are talking of. (this will show your sincerity towards the conversation)

5.**It’s completely fine to have some honest disagreement, as long as it’s respectful, not rude. (Beware! Being honest with a person who can’t take it, is very destructive.) 

^Now let’s take up the million dollar question again- ^

“What if we are genuinely NOT interested in this topic but don’t want to hurt them by telling this on their face?”

 Bare with me ahead, if you think I went too honest. 

What matters here is that are you really interested in listening to this fellow or are you genuinely not giving a duck. If you chose option A, good for you! Keep listening and keep telling them that you are listening. But if you are genuinely not giving a damn, then use those subtle ways again. Stop doing all those things I mentioned above, slowly & slowly. Slowly, stop having the good eye contact. Slowly, stop adding lines to fill their pauses. Slowly, stop nodding, don’t add any piece of information you have. Otherwise, if you continue doing all those things, it will only show that you are still interested. And know that, nothing encourages and excites people to talk more, than a genuine interest shown. 

Keep an eye on how they behave after you used your subtle way. If they grow irritated and they seem to not understand your way of telling them to stop, I am sorry but you would have to listen to them until they stop. (Yes you are right! these people are pathetic, but you gotta tolerate them sometimes) But yes it is possible, that sometimes some people are sagacious enough to understand your hints.

So in essence, 

The next time someone is talking to you, let them know that you are listening and are present. It’s not enough to just listen, it’s equally important to respond too. Responses are the key to good conversations and a happy customer. Don’t sit stand or talk stiff like a robot, remember you are a human. Expressions hold a great importance. We also talked about how to behave when you are not interested in listening anymore- use the subtle ways. Stop doing all that you were doing earlier, Slowly & Slowly. 

Hint for 4th law: Let them finish!

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Bye Bye Sunshines. 

See you soon.

How to become a good listener? (PART-2-Pour your attention! And what to do if you can’t)

 Hey Dearies!! What’s up? 

In the last blog (Part 1), this is what we learnt ⁃ So the next time, someone comes to share their personal feelings with you, make sure you’re not annoying them with your own bright stories. Listen to them and try to understand where they stand; remember when you too have been there earlier.

Let’s move ahead and see what our next tip has got.

The next thing we’re going to talk about today is how to pour all the attention in the conversation and what to do if you just can’t pour attention because you’re simply not interested.

Law 2: Pour your attention!

I ask you: how many times have you witnessed a situation in which you were saying something and the other person just takes out their cell phone and starts chatting with another person; or they stand there still with no expressions and make you feel that you are boring; or they start looking at their watches trying to convey “I don’t have the whole day for your nonsense” or they just start looking at their own hands and starts wondering “oh I need to wax!”- meanwhile you stand there feeling confused and disgusting.

Well let’s admit that this has happened with us some or the other time, that’s because we some time or the other have been in a conversation with a horrible listener. What impression do you carry of that person who made you feel that way? Do you think they are good listeners? No you don’t. Do you feel like talking to them again? No you don’t. At that moment, do you see children playing cricket and you just wish if a child could let you borrow his bat so that you could hit this disgusting ignorant person on the head? Yes, you certainly do.

Well, Exactly. This is what the other person feels like when you are ignorant! This is exactly what you do to them and what you do to whatever xyz relationship you share.

I don’t know how many of you are like that, if you are ignorant in conversations or not. Well I will leave that completely on your personal judgement of yourself (but be honest)

When the other person notices your disrespectful actions or I should say, signals that you give them to stop- like looking at your watches or wondering about a whole different thing in your mind, they start feeling as if they shouldn’t have said anything. They are like “why did I even thought this person would listen to me, so silly of me” And in no time, they start feeling this negative emotion about you and they decide to repel you no matter what.

***WHAT TO DO?***

It’s very simple.

Be present. Be attentive. Listen to understand, not to reply. Don’t just think what to say next, enjoy the talk and reply only when you have listened. Don’t show disrespect in any ways. People love it when you show respect when they are talking, and hate it 2 times more when you make them feel ignored. Make them feel as if their voice is the only sound you can hear right now (even though if you’re more interested in the squirrel’s fight sounds) You can’t afford to ignore a single person who matters. Well Anushka, who matters and who doesn’t? The people who mean something in your life, the close people, the colleagues or batchmates whom you gonna see everyday, even your mom’s friends and society. Basically every being who can affect your life directly or indirectly, are the people who matter and are the people who shouldn’t be ignored. You can certainly avoid and ignore people (and do it in the most savage way) who just don’t matter and whom you don’t give a damn about.

^Now let’s take the million dollar question!^

“What if we are genuinely not interested to listen to the other person and we can’t help being ignorant?”

-Well here’s a thing for you. Have you read my blog ‘Respond not React’? If you haven’t you should. Anyways, what you can do is- in a very subtle manner let them know that you are bored. Ok ok! Please don’t roll your eyes neither walk away. Subtle way, guys! Don’t break the eye contact completely, don’t stop nodding, but just stop being genuinely interested. And yes they will sense the lack of interest and shut up themselves or move on. This way you don’t make the ambiance negative by offending, but in a very polite way you ask the person to stop talking. What I am going to say next might make you think what is she even talking about! How can we just say it? Well, believe me you can. Many a times, honesty can actually help. When you honestly but gently and politely tell the other people “can we please change the topic” or “well I know I don’t really keep myself updated with world’s chaos, I don’t really like politics”, you kill two birds with one stone. (No animal was hurt while writing this idiom) *Hehehe*

Ofcourse firstly, they change the topic and secondly, you impress them and bury them with honesty. While suggesting this way, I must also say that this way of complete honesty is excelled and mastered by few. It’s an art how beautifully you can be honest without sounding mean and ill-mannered.

So this was today’s blog. Please let me know in the comments box below what you think about it.

So in a nutshell,

The next time someone is talking to you, be attentive and be present with all of your senses. The worst thing you can do in a conversation is being ignorant. If you always disrespect people, then they build up a natural feeling of resistance for you. Don’t let them do it. You can surely avoid and ignore shitty people, you don’t have to pay attention and waste time thinking about people who don’t matter. Just never let your important group of people be disappointed by your silly ignorance and arrogance. If you are genuinely not interested to listen, chose the two subtle ways I suggested to get out of the situation without offending them.

Hint for 3rd law- The Responses!

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Take care everyone.

Catch you soon.

How to become a good listener? (Part-1-Bright stories)

 Hey People! What’s up?

I really hope that all of you and your dear ones are super healthy and that that you all are taking care of yourself.

Probably if you have decided to read this blog, you are an enthusiastic person who possess the keenness to develop or improve the skill of listening. I really appreciate that zeal and interest you have showed in this blog.

*SOMETHING IMPORTANT~~~ This blog topic will be uploaded in 4 parts- every Sunday for 4 weeks, and each part will have one new law for becoming a better listener.

Mark the dates–Law 1~ 13 June, 2021

Please!  Law 2~ 20 June, 2021

Law 3~ 27 June, 2021

Law 4~ 4 July, 2021

With this hope that you get something useful by the end of the blog, let’s start.

Read this Please! 

⁃ This is the picture of a great message that I came across the internet a long time ago. (It’s a little blur, but please put up with it) The reason why I attached this image, is that I want you all to understand the importance of being a good listener, maybe we can discuss about that at length some other day. We all know how important it has become to listen attentively to people, and when I say this, I mean- “listen genuinely”. As I always say, people are not dumb! They know when you mean something and they know when you don’t. If you want to be a good listener, the first step is to mean what you are doing. I don’t really say that you cannot use this technique of listening for personal benefits, you certainly can. But remember that there shall not be a vicious intention behind it. So if anyone is here, to FAKE the art of listening- I am sorry but you can leave. We are here to learn how we can actually turn more attentive to people and their words, at the same time not get lost in them.

^^I must also mention, that whatever I write here are just my tools that I use in everyday life and some of the personal observations I have made in people till now. So you are free to adapt any other personal trick of yours, and we would actually be delighted to know if there is any other complementary tip you want to share with us. Feel free to write in the comments box below! ^^

(P.S.- I will be using the word “laws” for more sophisticated writing, but don’t misinterpret them as solid universal laws or something!)

So how to become a good listener?

Law 1: Say no to your bright stories.

⁃ Now this is an interesting thing I noticed in many people! Let’s assume a person comes to you and says- “I feel horrible! I am so demotivated and I feel like I don’t have a purpose in life!”

What you reply? Would you say- “Oh well! I am so sorry for that, but my life is cracking, I am so happy and my days are vibrant. My life is full of purpose and I know where I am going.” The next thing you’ll see that other person doing is- Running away from you as fast as they can. You were a horrible listener. Being a good listener ain’t only about being attentive or understanding, it’s more. Without even noticing, we all do this some or the other time. Isn’t it? But let’s stop doing this. When you do this to a person who came to you to seek help, all of theirs trust and comfort gets lost. They regret for having shared those things with you. What is the use of making a person who feels low, feel more low and insecure. Somewhere, we humans do this with someone, because we get pleasure out of it, we feel good about ourselves. But this is a smaller pleasure. Try feeling the pleasure you get after listening to someone whole heartedly and getting this in the last:- “ThankYou so much for listening to me. I am so glad I have someone to confide in. You are a very good listener.” And then you see their happy and more relaxed faces. That’s the real pleasure. On the contrary, don’t fake the understanding also. Yes! dare not speak a lie. If you say “Oh same is the case with me”, when in reality your days are blissful, it’s clear lying. You can take an easier, completely honest and a more effective way here. Tell them that you totally understand because you too have been there once. See? You were completely honest and genuine yet didn’t upset them with a shiny story of yours, which actually gives rise to jealousy and insecurity.

⁃ So the next time, someone comes to share their personal feelings with you, make sure you’re not annoying them with your own bright stories. Listen to them and try to understand where they stand; remember when you too have been there earlier.

So that was the first law for becoming a good listener. I really hope you enjoyed it.

Hint for the 2nd law- Pour your attention! And what to do if you can’t!

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Bye bye.

See you next sunny Sunday.

Is it ok to be sensitive? (TALKS)

 Hello everyone! Nice to see you here again. I really hope you all had a fantastic week. Let’s dive into today’s blog.

Well, my mother has been the most beautiful soul I have known from years. And I am sure, for you too your mothers are. I remember when I was growing up, in my early teen I used to tell my mom that she was not strong enough, that she should speak up for herself, that she needs more courage. But now, my perspective has completely changed. Now, I look back and say this to the 12 year old me- “You need to shut up!”

So my mother is a kind and tolerant person. If I try to explain her in the words I used to use for her before (not anymore), then I shall say- she is sensitive, emotional, empathetic and vulnerable sometimes. Even when she comes to know about the death or about an accident of a person whom she doesn’t even know, she feels really sorry and sorry for the family suffering the loss too. So you can imagine what she is like when she gets to know about someone dear or someone known. Yes she starts crying bad.

But here is the thing. SHE IS THE STRONGEST.

HOW?

As people, we have always associated empathy and vulnerability with weakness. But today I really want to persuade you all to change the common perspective to a right one. 

I have always been loud, confident and bold. But does that mean I am strong? Well, I used to think that I am strong and can handle everything ( I don’t completely disagree with that either) ; what I did not know was what was coming. There was this one time I remember when we were facing difficulties and I broke down. I was 15 and I got really emotional and was like “This sucks, how am I going to deal with this!” On the contrary, was my Mother– strong, full of hope, not shedding a single tear and like always- smiling and challenging the challenges. She has always been like- “Ahh you wanna tear me apart? Try it. I am right here. You’ll only find me and my family smiling and enjoying anyways, because this time shall too pass.” (ofcourse she is not completely fearless; no one is, right?) But that’s the kind of attitude she carries. 

Yes that’s my mother. I love you my darling. 

  Now tell me honestly, what was the image of my mother you crafted in the beginning of the blog and what do you think of her now?

p.s.- “Fellas, don’t judge too fast.” 

Yes, that’s my mother. And not only her, but there are so many people who are thought to be weak and vulnerable and that’s why sometimes, even these people start believing that we are weak and hopeless. We measure a person’s strength, confidence and ability to withstand challenges, on such lower grounds. Being strong is never about not crying while watching an emotional movie, it’s about not losing your mind when things go wrong in life. Being confident does not only mean being able to present yourself boldly in-front of the public, but it’s so much more and means always believing in our strengths and potential. 

My mother is a benevolent lady. She has always been kind and good to everyone. And there are many people like my Mom: they are kind, good, empathetic and just so much adorable souls. I really think that we all need to broader our outlook and how we see these people and understand that they are just humans filled with more sympathetic and I should say, HUMANLY emotions as compared to others. They are not weak, they are just so tolerant. 

I carry a guilt in my heart for being ridiculously wrong at that time and saying all of that to my mother. Now I see, she is the reason behind EVERYTHING GOOD. But at the same time, I am not repentant, I believe in getting up and correcting things more than sobbing on the same shit for days. So whenever I feel the guilt I just go to my Mom and hug her and tell her that I was so wrong and stupid and maybe still I am stupid, just little bit less from yesterday. I tell her how much proud I am of her and of being her daughter. And so I apologize sincerely and she, being a mom, always kisses back and forgives. 

The motive of writing this all is to spread a message among all of you- to not to underestimate a soft person. It might be you or someone you know. Believe and accept that being sensitive is ok. Also, I don’t know when our society and we, will stop drawing a direct connection between muscularity and strength, and believing that men cannot be vulnerable. Holy crap! They are humans and it’s there birth right to be able to be emotional. But we have burdened their shoulders by saying- “Oh you are a man! How can you cry?” Well, we will take this some other day. 

But here is one more point I shall make, because without mentioning this, I guess the article has a tendency to be misinterpreted. Although I respect and adore and learn from my mother’s kindness and goodness- the fact that every person and every person’s habits or nature has some flaws, should not be neglected. If people become too good and too available for everyone, it becomes a drawback for them more than being an asset to their personality. I am sure my mother is a selfless being, but the lack of required amount of selfishness is realized by her too. So Everyone! , there’s no problem in being too good or sensitive, but don’t forget to apply practicality to it too. Learn to say No, have your priorities set. Don’t let incidents from other’s life effect you so much. Be tolerant, but ofcourse that has got a limit too. Being vulnerable is completely okay, but too much of anything is just too much. 

At last- It’s okay to be emotional, sweethearts.

Quickly a shout out to my Mom– Hey lovely! You give me strength, hope and endless support and love. You are a precious priceless gift to the earth. I am what I am because of YOU (ok..ok..Dad and Brothermine too). THANK-YOU for everything. 

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content. 

Stay blessed.

See you next week.

What happens when you are rigid! (Life changing)

 HELLO my dear readers! Wishing you all a bright Sunday.

Well, I remember a small incident from the summer of last year. I was as usual attending my zoom classes in the evening on how to speak fluent english, be confident and develop a personality. We were in a conversation with our teacher and batchmates. I don’t remember exactly what did I say, but roughly, I said to my teacher- “Sorry sir,but I have a different take on this.” And then I said what I wanted to and ended it with this line “sorry sir I hope you don’t mind it”. ( I said this because I had different opinions than his). He being a sophisticated English teacher, always polite but straight forward man said- “You see my dear child, I don’t make my opinions or views about things that firm and rigid that if one day they are opposed by others, they hold the power to hurt me.”

Wow! I was moved, awestruck and amazed by what this wise man in his 60s said. I have always been. This maybe was the wisest lesson my teacher taught me; although there are a lot many more. Only few of a times did he intentionally give personal lessons like this, but unknowingly and unintentionally he always inspired his students. Yes he is my favourite teacher.

(Note– If anyone is interested in joining such a class which teaches English in a different and more efficient way and provides better insights to the students, you are most welcome. People of various age groups come here, from teen to elderly. Believe me, you will count this as one of the best decisions of your life. Message me for details and information)

Well, coming to today’s topic.

My motive of telling this story to all of you was, to share how I came across this concept through my teacher. And then apparently I started observing how accurate and true it was. I find this concept very useful in everyday life too.

So today we shall discuss what happens when we are super rigid in our believes, thoughts, opinions, choices, actions, etc.

Q. What does it mean to be rigid?

⁃ Being a rigid person means believing that your believes and thoughts are superior and righter than others. One who is inflexible. Not being able to look at things from perspectives of other people. Basically, it’s a limitation.

Q. How does rigidity holds power to hurt?

⁃ We all get hurt on daily basis because of our firm beliefs on something, but remember rigidity can also hold power to hurt you in the most deadliest manner. Often, when one believes in something or someone so firmly that they stop seeing beyond, they can easily get hurt. More you grow fond of something, more it holds the power to hurt you. (Here something can be anything- from a belief to a person, anything) It’s simple to understand how! When someone disagrees with what you agree with so much, it hurts you. When someone opposes your beliefs, you get hurt. When someone calls your “rights”- “wrongs”, you get hurt. It’s impossible to skip the hurting part but it’s very much possible to control it, as my teacher did. Always try to give nothing so much of power or importance or attention, that when they are opposed or disagreed with, they hurt you. I mean come on! We have much more to deal with in our lives. How much energy and time will we keep on squandering around on bullshit matters. Make no belief so firm. Use both of your gifted ears. Listen and take the bullshit out without even wasting a second. Everyone happy!

Q. Do you want us to not have or speak up our opinions?

⁃ Oh no. That’s just not what I mean. Have opinions and individual beliefs, believe in them, respect them and adore them as much as you can. But when will we have a world where nothing has to be proven to anyone? Why do we want everyone to agree with us all the time? Why to prove your beliefs to others? Why do we want approval of everyone all the time? So what I say is, have opinions but share them only with worthy listeners. And also, just remember that your everyday simple beliefs don’t turn themselves into the reason for your living. Once they turn into the reason for your living, you’ll give them the power they don’t deserve. You’ll give them the power to hurt you.

Now let’s quickly see what rigidity brings with itself –

1. No tendency to adjust or modify ourselves.

2. Always in the disgusting disbelief that I am always right.

3. People won’t see a genuine friend in you. Because you’ll always be busy bringing someone or the other down.

4. You’ll always be ignored or avoided by crowds, because people don’t like listening to other’s rigid views, however the irony is, they are always ready to share theirs.

5. Lastly, but uhh the most important, you’ll have no space for improvement. No improvement, no life.

I would also like to mention some very common ways in which we, the common crowd practices rigidity:

• The most common way in which we all practice rigidity is by having favourites. Favourite celebrity, favourite politician, favourite cricketer, favourite YouTuber, etc. If you want, get inspired by these people but don’t get influenced by them. Well let’s leave this inspire and not influence thing for some other day. Your favourites have their own life, you enjoy your own. Having ideals is a very good thing, but if you let them have the power to have such a great and destructive impact on your lives, you are doing something disastrous to yourself. Don’t waste time on being the voice for defending your ideals, let people say or do whatever they want to. You respect them, love them and adore them. Isn’t this enough?

• The next thing we usually become rigid for, are our beliefs. We all need to understand that every single person have had their own experiences, moments, stories, incidents, accidents, thinking and struggles and because of all these and other factors too, all of us have different takes on things. We literally need not waste time on proving our beliefs right and other’s wrong, focus on yourself. Stop starving for people to agree with you; one or two will always have different opinions. And believe me, that’s okay.

So remember! The next time someone says something or does something opposite to you or your beliefs, smile and move on!

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

See you super soon.

Stay tuned.

HOW TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE SELF TALK! (On Demand!)

 Hey everyone! What’s up?

The previous week, one of my dear readers asked me if I could write a blog on how to have a   productive self talk, and so here I am with it. Thankyou Alex for giving such a wonderful suggestion.

Well, just a year ago self talk was just as alien to me as it is for many of you right now. But believe me, when I started talking to myself more often, spending more time with myself and stopping  to reflect on my thoughts and actions: my life became much more easier and joyful at the same time.

So when I was asked to write a blog on how to have a productive self talk, I immediately went back to myself  and ironically, I had to go into my productive self talk to figure out what makes my self talks work for me. And so, I’ll be sharing the answers that I got, in this hope that what works for me shall work for you too.

Before that, just one vital small thing. To me, self talk is the thing which rejuvenates me. So if anyone who wants to know what I mean by a“productive self-talk” here, the answer is “One which restores: happiness, positivity even in dark, joy, motivation and hope.”

Here are the small steps you can take to change your life through a productive self talk and be more lively, zestful, productive, positive and much much more of a healthy person:-

STEP 1: The Best Ambience.

In order to have  a healthy self talk, it’s very necessary to  choose  place which is full of vitality. As a nature lover and talking practical too, I feel that the most of the vitality can be felt when we are surrounded by our origin, the place which we are born from and are a part of- the mother earth. Observe people doing their daily chores, watch children playing,  start feeling the cool breeze, go into a deep meditation where you first listen to the sweet chirruping of the birds and slowly, when you are able to find your lost connection with your true mother, you will start feeling your heart beats. I would suggest every being reading this to try it for once and for all at least. However, if you think this is not what you would like to do (maybe because you think you’re an unstoppable achiever or a busy businessman), then an empty and peacefully quiet room with lots of positive vibrations will also do. Make sure you feel most of the positivity around you, because what is going to come next depends largely on this.

STEP 2: Mirror to yourself.

I know it’s not easy to accept things and your mistakes, I know it’s not easy to digest the truth, I know it’s not easy to face your realities and fears, however what I also know for sure is- the only person who will never judge you is YOU. I agree that today, no one can be trusted blindly with this that they would understand you without making some or the other judgements. But the only person who understands you and does that for the rest of his life and will never let you down, is you yourself. So I ask why to fake it to yourself? See, when we are in a self talk, we need to make sure that we are not lying to our own selves. There is no point of lying to yourself; you would only feel more messed up. You see, many a times we don’t say what we actually want to say to others, sometimes it’s known as faking yourself up and sometimes it can be good because it’s then known as controlling yourself from saying something mean or rude. But neither of these things can happen when you are in a self talk because being honest to yourself has no consequences. Start being true to yourself. People who value self talks enjoy the greatest pleasure i.e. truthfulness. To enjoy the pleasure truthfulness brings, it’s important for an individual to be aware of himself. Don’t feel hesitant of confessing to yourself, you can always rely on one forever friend- YOU. Be honest to yourself because if you won’t, you won’t be able to get best out of the self talk. So do these things honestly in your self talk- accept the reality, speak the truth, talk practical, confess to yourself, trust yourself with your secrets, apologise to yourself for your wrong actions and the sh*t you gave to the beautiful garden of your mind, don’t forget to forgive yourself too with a serious promise made to yourself of not repeating it again, try to think from that different perspective I always talk about: is it always they, honestly figure out your flaws and decide to work on them.

STEP 3: THINK ABOUT SOLUTIONS!

I am so sorry to hurt the feelings of those people who expected that I would say self talk is all about weeping, sobbing and comforting yourself while doing it and being easy on yourself. Nope, that’s not a productive self talk. It will obviously make you feel  better, but won’t allow you to feel good. If you really want to get out of a mess through a good self talk, you must think about and talk about solutions.

Repeatedly saying that “I am a mess” will not change things. Which will change things is the idea or the solution that you would come up with. In such self talks, where you are trying to find an answer, make sure you are only thinking about the answer. Sobbing or even over thinking about the problems will do no good, but will just make things even worse. Strengthen yourself up and try thinking of the practical solutions to your problems.

STEP 4: FOLLOW RIGHTEOUSNESS

Now, when you would be already having a good self talk, done in a great atmosphere, done honestly, and done while thinking of solutions, you will start feeling good about your own self. But we need not stop there. They were just words, right words we spoke to ourselves, but the right actions are still to be accomplished which will complete the process of a productive self talk. The last step of following righteousness means, there are a lot of wrongs which will seem to be rights to you because reasonably,  in a self talk you are the listener, speaker, adviser- and that can make things really difficult. You will think you are right when actually you won’t be. But universe doesn’t forget to show us the right path, it’s just that we humans neglect it or maybe we never see it. Through our self talks, at the end, we should be able to see the right path of righteousness. Maybe sometimes you will not like that path or maybe you would repel it, but remember right things are always distasteful and so are repelled by all of us. And so, control yourself and your mind and heart, be the master of your soul and work towards the path of righteousness.

At the end, stand up, smile and enter your monotonous life again, but this time with a desire to bring a positive change in yourself and execute the solutions you thought of in your self talk.

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

Have a wonderful day ahead!

See you next week.

How to control your own life? [The Power of Words]

 You see, we often have succeeded to realise what effect our words can have on others. We usually say our words can act like swords. But have we tried exploring if we ever have slaughtered ourselves with our own words and what effect our words can have on ourselves. In this blog, I would help you know where we all go wrong and how can we so easily be the masters of our own lives. Read the whole blog to get the best out of it.

Heyy!! How are you doing dearies? Another weekend, and another blog. I am always happy to write. Let’s begin.

Can you guess how many thoughts pass through our heads in a single day? (Need not make a guess, even I didn’t, just googled; that’s just a way of writing)

My friend Google says, according to the latest study, six thousand and two hundred thoughts pass through our minds in a single day. Now I say: so many thoughts but why do I feel like I have been thinking of the same thing from the morning? Because that’s what I gave power to. Some of these thoughts and ideas stay with us for a minute, some for a day and some for a year. Ok let’s not jump to it, let’s get there slowly.

Take the example of sperms. So many sperms compete with one another just to get into the ovary and carry out the process of reproduction and produce an embryo. In the same way, our thousands of thoughts compete to get into our minds and carry out the process of thinking and produce an action. But there is a difference between them. The former is not in our control, it’s an involuntary activity. But the good news is, the latter is always in our hands, I.e., we can control what we let in, what we think upon and then what we produce as an action.

Understand it in a more realistic way. Let’s say a random thought strikes our mind that “my colleague is better than me”. Now let’s say we choose this sperm (thought) to stay with us for a longer time, say for two days. So basically we have been THINKING about this for the last two days- “How can I get the trophy for the best employee of the month when a colleague like Akash exists. He has better communication skills than me, he owns several reputed degrees, he is much confident and moreover he is a man and has worked overtime. I won’t be able to get the trophy. Maybe I don’t deserve it.” (Note- Lady!! Focus on what you have, not what he does. And what quality of yours can contribute in the decision of choosing you as the best employee…..anyways)

Now, the twist is here. However you have been overthinking from past two days, let’s assume you decide to get into a self talk session in the evening in your veranda. And what you did in the self talk was even more devastating, you SAID all those things which were just in your mind-to yourself and repeated them again and again and maybe exaggerated them even more. Now they became even more powerful, and guess what? YOU gave them the power. How did they become powerful?

Let me share something. I came to realise about this power of words when months ago I was in a conversation with one of my dear. I was sad and wanted to talk to someone and just feel better. She was comforting and gave me some good rest from my worries. But the problem was- My choice of action. I chose to speak that thought out, I chose this useless sperm (thought), I chose to exaggerate it, I chose to give it the power it didn’t deserve.

I don’t say that we shall not discuss our problems with our dear ones. It will never be what I mean to say. But all I say is, first think about it, is it a big deal? Is it worth talking about? Is it worth discussing? Is it that powerful?

And believe me, if you think it’s serious enough to talk about and you need help, never hesitate. Seek help from a dear one.

But all I want to stress upon is, the more you talk about it, the more powerful you let it be (no matter you talk to yourself or to someone else). The thing I was upset on that day, was not a big deal, until I shared it with someone. Because I said it to someone else, so basically someone else also knows what the matter is , now even if I realise after some time of overthinking that it was not a big deal, the other person still thinks it is a big deal and now naturally I’ll think that I cannot afford to be called a ‘crackhead’ and so even after realising that it wasn’t that big, Me, My mind, My actions start making it big. That’s the power of exaggeration. (Believe me or not, admit or not, this happens with each one of us)

It seems but is not at all that complicated.

Note:- Self talk can be harmful too, if done in the wrong way. Always try saying and repeating good things in your self talk. Don’t go unrealistic but just keep it positive.

So basically we give power to our thoughts by turning them into words which leads to powerful actions. Here is the flowchart for better understanding and for easier reference:-

Random Thought!

-given power-

Major Thought! 

-given power-

Words!

-given power-

Actions! 

TECHNIQUE – Now what if we use this series in a better way? Yes it is possible, I share this technique with a personal experience, so I assure it’s effective enough. Shall we?

Do you know what words are? When we give shape to our thoughts, they are known as words. Isn’t it? Now let’s say we have a nice random positive thought about “finding my passion”. Now the more you talk about it to yourself or even to others, you would slowly observe that you are on the right path and you will find your passion. How does that makes sense Anushka?

It makes enough sense. You talk to yourself, ask yourself what have you been great at? What were you always attracted towards as a child? What has always been of your interest? What have you been always curious about? What can be the calling for you? Now here I am talking about that productive self-talk. You can also consider talking to your family or friends or teachers or anyone you trust enough, and talk about your passion and discover with them what you are born for. Many a times answers to our questions can be found in our conversations. Answer these questions and soon, day after day, by practising this, you would be able to answer your own questions. That’s how it makes sense.

Ok so now we turned our thoughts into words. Now how to turn them into actions? There must be a reason why they say: find out what you truly love to do and then direct all of your energy towards doing it. (Note- “discovering your passion” is just taken as an example. You can think about other good things you wish you had in your life- both material and spiritual, now direct all your efforts and energy towards it)

To have a control on your own life, it’s important to have a control on your actions. As I said, direct all your efforts and actions towards your goals, both material and spiritual ones. Read books and articles related to your interest or even watch movies which will directly or indirectly help you to gain knowledge about your passion and keep yourself updated about new researches or innovations related to your passion and the field you want to make your career in. Basically just devote yourself with full energy and enthusiasm towards your passion and ultimate goal. So that’s how you can use this series in a more effective way.

In a nutshell, the technique: Rather than giving power to negative useless thoughts, start giving power to positive and healthier ones. Rather than saying pessimistic things, start saying optimistic things, to yourselves or to others. Ultimately, rather than destructive actions you would be able to produce productive actions and be the masters of your own lives.

I see it this way-

“What you say is what you do and is what happens to you.”

(Stick to this and you’ll never lose control on your own self)

So that was it. Hope I was able to be of some help and hope you liked the content.

See you next week!

Stay bright and blessed!